Top 10 Reasons Why People Divorce

If your partner filed for a divorce or brought it up in a conversation, chances are that there are other reasons besides the reasons you might think for wanting one. Here are the top 10 reasons why people divorce according to our research.

Losing Yourself

Surprisingly, quite a lot of people who want a divorce want it because they feel that they’ve become too much like their partner, or they’ve lost their independence. Being a team is what healthy marriages are made of, but an entirely co-dependent relationship is certainly not healthy in the long run.

Lack of Intimacy

Intimacy doesn’t always have to be physical, but if there’s no longer a feeling of romance, intimacy, or closeness, it is understandable that one party or both will want to find that with someone else. If you’re about to hire a private investigator, because you feel your spouse might be cheating, you might want to look at the reasons behind that feeling before making the call. Lack of intimacy is often top of that list.

Getting Married for the Wrong Reasons

Some people marry because they’ve been pressured into it for various reasons, whether it be family, age or even existing children. Some marry because they thought that they can change the other person once they’ve got the ring on their finger. Being together for the wrong reason(s) can get old real fast, hence, the marriage possibly ending in divorce.

Getting Mixed Up with the Labels

Sometimes two people are together not because they want to, but because they’ve been accustomed to being each other’s significant other even though they’ve grown apart. Once they realize this, then it’s time to say goodbye.

There are also instances when someone forgets who they are once married. They lose touch with friends and their interests outside of marriage. This creates a volatile situation where one has no room for growth and will want to head for the hills once the same party has come to his or her senses.

Clashing Priorities and Interests

While opposites attract, a successful marriage requires that both parties have a mutual interest and have aligned life goals. If one person wants a baby within a year and the other is dead set on not having any children, then the couple will simply grow farther and farther apart the more they realize how incompatible they are.

Poor Conflict Resolution

A good relationship is a give and take one where each party involved feels appreciated, respected, and heard. When disagreements arise and each one wants to ‘win’ instead of compromising, then it can get emotionally draining over time. When this happens, it’s only a matter of when one party will snap and it will be definitely divorce-ville for the couple.

Not Having a Clear Idea of Married Life

Marriage means you’ll be sharing more than your bed with another person. You’ll be sharing life goals, free time, children, finances, and even food. What will happen when these things were not discussed prior to marriage? Someone is bound to get disappointed.

Unfulfilled Expectations

When you expect someone to be a certain way thinking you can mould them to be your perfect partner once the marriage contract has been signed, you’re setting yourself up for a disaster. This can build up resentment and can lead to fights, one party cheating, or both parties simply giving up and going for a divorce.

Lack of Touch

Do you know that one common reason for cheating is simply wanting some physical contact? Couples who lack intimacy end up getting divorced because they feel like they’re total strangers to each other.

Money Issues

Lack of compatibility with regards to how money will be spent, how much will be saved, and how it will be handled is a leading cause of divorce. No surprises that someone who has a sound financial mind may not want to be with someone who wants to live like royalty for a day after every payday.

10 Must-Try Ways of Loving Yourself Through Your Divorce

Getting a divorce is one of the toughest and possibly lowest points in anyone’s life. In fact, fully getting through a divorce can even take years for some people. With this in mind, there’s no harm in trying to make living through a divorce easier for yourself. After all, there is no way you can be ready to love again if you don’t love yourself first. Below are 10 tips on how you can do this!

Let Yourself Be You

Giving yourself permission to be you may sound trivial but is actually the most empowering way to give yourself some love. So what if you have a weird laugh? Who cares if you love wearing neon orange and bright red together? You shouldn’t be apologizing for being you.

Do Something You Love and Give It Your All

Have you heard the phrase, “dance like no one is watching?” You should totally do that! Or perhaps sing like no one’s listening if that is your thing. The point is about giving yourself the go signal to have a great time.

Create a Bucket List and Make Sure You Tick Off the Whole List

Stop thinking what others may want for your life and think about what you want for yourself. Write a list of all the things you’d want to do and be sure that you keep crossing off things on that list. You only live once!

Make Your Health A Priority

There are so many ways to cope with a divorce but most of them aren’t very healthy. Why not take care of yourself by making your health a priority? A few bottles of green juice would suffice if you’re not a gym buddy and a quick general check-up would be great for a start.

Try Writing Affirmations

Affirmations are a powerful tool to fill your mind with positivity and keep yourself motivated. Make sure that you place your short affirmations where you can easily see and read them.

Find Reasons to Reward Yourself

Every small accomplishment is an achievement. Something simple like getting all the laundry done is a great thing, so do yourself a favour and celebrate little triumphs. Remember that each moment counts so small things do add up!

Be Mindful of What You Think

Bad thoughts can ruin your entire day. A few moments of doubting yourself can result in you losing track of all that you’ve done so far. Be sure to learn to stop yourself when you begin thinking of negative thoughts.

Find Reasons to Laugh and Smile

Finding joy in the smallest of things can do wonders in lifting your spirits and making you feel good. Laughter releases hormones that help you cope with stress too.

Give Yourself Time to Smell the Roses

It is often the case that those going through a divorce pushes themselves to work or keep busy to the point that they simply tire themselves out. Taking time to slow down and enjoy life’s little moments (such as having your favourite meal or catching up on sleep) is not only well-deserved but can save your sanity too.

Go for a Pampering Session

Pampering yourself need not be about luxury. You can give yourself a spa-like treatment at home by soaking in the tub surrounded by candles or perhaps applying your favourite face mask. This is all about having time for the small things that you enjoy.

Remember, you owe no one an explanation of your happiness. Keep yourself happy and don’t go around hiring a private investigator to follow your ex (unless you have a valid reason). The best way to love yourself is by focusing on YOU!

 

What to Expect From an Angry Ex During Your Divorce

Most divorce experts would agree that further alienating your soon to be former spouse is the last thing you would want during a divorce, but that doesn’t mean that you can be prepared for what your angry ‘ex’ may do.

Divorce can bring out the ugliest traits from anyone, even you. You have to recognize this as a fact. You have to be prepared to handle your emotions to prevent any more bad feelings between you and your ex from developing because that can certainly make your divorce a more complicated and expensive process. You can do this by choosing to arm yourself with knowledge about how your angry spouse may act so that you can be emotionally and mentally prepared to push through with the divorce process. Thankfully, we’ve listed how most angry spouse behave during a divorce below!

Back Out of Verbal Agreements

Some people simply agree on something to make something go away for a day and so they feel that it is okay for them to not respect any verbal agreements as though it is nothing. As soon as something is agreed upon during your divorce, make sure that it is recorded and that it is properly legally documented. This way, you save yourself from headaches and further heartaches from your ex.

Abuse Your Children or You

Because of how emotionally charged a divorce is, your spouse may take frustrations out on your children or you.  You have to know how to get to safety when this happens and be prepared to get a restraining order if needed be.

Accuse You of Abuse

Some exes will try to make their ex-partners’ life a nightmare by flinging accusations of abuse and other vile things. The last thing you will want authorities to see is you getting angry or physically acting out over an accusation like this.

Push for Custody

Some exes will want to push a soon to be former spouse out of their children’s life out of spite. Some will do this to push an ex to settle for less than they are entitled to. To prevent your spouse from using your children as leverage, you can opt to offer 50/50 custody right from the start. This will also benefit your children if agreed to because they’ll have equal time with both parents.

Stall the Divorce Process

It is inevitable that both sides may have to produce certain documents before a divorce can be finalized. Note that some exes will deliberately refuse to provide paperwork for manipulative reasons or do the opposite and request for things from your side. You have to be sure that your divorce attorney knows what to do in such a case and has no qualms to use the Family Court System to deal with tactics like those described here.

Cutting Your Access to Conjugal Assets

Your soon to be ex spouse is likely to limit your access to bank accounts, properties and such once you’ve expressed a desire to have a divorce. You can avoid this by having copies of everything before filing for divorce or just knowing what accounts and properties are listed under both your names.

Try to Dig Up Dirt to Be Used Against You

There had been stories of exes who used keyloggers on computers, installed hidden microphones and cameras, and ‘interrogated’ common friends in an attempt to get information to use against their ex partner. This is quite common and expected but this doesn’t mean that you should get your hands dirty and do the same.

Illegally obtained information can hurt more than it can help. If you’re thinking of countering up dirt with dirt, you should hire professional private investigators because they can sleuth out private information in legally-admissible ways.

Practical Tips to Reduce Stress During Divorce

It can’t be denied that prolonged stress can take a toll on your physical and mental well-being, making you more vulnerable to illnesses and infections. The thing is, there is no such thing as avoiding stress if you’re going through a divorce. Even the Canadian Mental Health Association shared that you do need some extra help to get through a divorce with minimal psychological impact. Here are some practical tips from the experts that can help you to reduce stress during divorce.

Try to Be Prepared

You will have to settle nearly everything about your marriage during a divorce. This means that you will have to prepare a lot of documents and be ready for settlement hearings that you will need to sit through. If you can get a hold of financial documents, deeds, and similar documents now, do it.

Know Divorce Processes

A divorce need not be a drama-filled affair. Some proceedings need not even see a day in court ever. Talk to your lawyer to find out more about collaborative ways you can finalize your divorce.

Don’t Do Unto Your Soon-To-Be-Ex What You Don’t Want to Be Done to You

Lying or manipulating facts can be very tempting more so if your spouse cheated on you. You may feel that you want to drain bank accounts, channel all assets to an off-shore bank, or file false police reports. Don’t. Things like this will only create drama and when discovered, can blow up on you.

Understand that What You Feel Now is Temporary

When you’re feeling overwhelmed and feel like you just want to run away from everything, know that this will pass. Once your divorce is final, you’ll be able to create a future that is best for you.

Be Honest

Going through a divorce with various hidden agendas will only make the procedure more expensive and last longer. If you want a clean future after the divorce, just be transparent and work together towards finalizing your divorce so both you and your ex can move on.

Get Your Own Finances Straightened

Now would be the time to open your own bank account if you don’t have one yet. You will have to be financially independent after your divorce so start working towards that now for a smooth transition.

Do What is Right for The Kids

Know that you will have to work with your ex if you have kids together unless there is a reason for the other party to be pushed out of the children’s lives (like domestic violence). Try to be as amicable as possible.

Prioritize Safety

If your spouse is prone to violence, moving away (with the children) would be the best option. If your spouse knows where you (and the children) are staying, make sure that you have an escape plan when things go south.

Have a Support Person or Network

Your close friends and family will be invaluable to you during your divorce. Not only will they see you through your emotional rollercoaster but will also help you get back to your feet when you’re ready.

Have Social Media Accounts? Close Them

Information in your social media can be used against you. Even if your spouse is above that, the drama alone in social media can get to you. By simply closing or deactivating your accounts, you will save yourself from so much mental anguish.

Plan Ahead

Divorce means that there will be a division of assets. Only decide to take what you truly need and don’t get too hung up if your spouse seems to be getting more. Why fight over something you don’t even want?

Accept Your Divorce

Your divorce should be the closing chapter on a marriage that is no longer working. Don’t let it be a battleground of more hurt. Focus on the future and what you could have when the divorce is over.

Guest blog post by Haywood Hunt & Associates Inc – Private Investigators in Oakville

How to Answer the Top Questions Kids Ask About Divorce

Going through a divorce is one of the toughest challenges anyone can face. It is even more challenging when you have kids and dread having to tell them about the divorce. To help you with this, we’ve compiled the top questions kids ask about divorce and added pointers on how to address them below.

Why are you getting a divorce?

Kids will always ask why and the real answer is always too complicated to share. The best response is to say that divorce is a way for everyone to be happy because mom and dad can’t be happy together.

Will you two get back together?

You can’t take it away from your kids to hope that divorce is temporary. The best way to respond to this is to say that you honestly can’t tell and that it is most likely no but that both parents will still be there for the kids.

Can we still live as a family?

The younger the kids are, the more likely they are to ask this. Simply say that they will have two homes  from now on instead of just one.

Can we still live here?

Children fear change and they would be scared of losing their friends, their things, and everything familiar to them. The best answer will be what the plan is. If you will be moving then tell the kids that you’ll be moving and ask them where they would like to move. If not, then just say it.

What will happen to me?

Your family is often the majority of your kids’ world. It is only natural for them to ask what happens to them when their parents decide not to be together anymore. The best response would be not giving false hope and just stating the truth, that both parents still love them the same way and will be there for them.

Is it my fault?

It is expected that a problem child or perhaps a very young child will think that the divorce is their fault. The best response is to say that no, the divorce is a decision both parents think is the best and that it was not caused by anything the child did.

What if I don’t want you to be divorced?

Some kids think that by putting their foot down, they can somehow stop a divorce. Respond to this by saying that although divorce is not ideal and though it is very hard for everyone in the family, it is the best path so everyone can have a happy life and future.

How about my brother? How about my sister?

Most kids will not want to be parted from their siblings so the best response should focus on still being together (if one parent is getting custody) or that they would be together most of the time (if custody is split between parents).

Will I go to the same school/have same nanny?

Kids will worry about change and it is your job to teach them that change can be great. Tell them that they will get to meet new friends if moving schools or needing a new baby sitter/nanny because of relocating.

When are you divorcing?

It is best to let the kids know more so if they are older. They will need time to say goodbye to friends if moving away or just to process their emotions if you’ll be staying in the same place. They have a right to know what is happening and when.

Private Investigators and Lawyers – Working Together

Many may not be aware of this fact, but private investigators do have specializations just like lawyers do. These days, as a private investigator’s work involve more ways of getting information, some have specialized in digital research while some go for the more ‘traditional’ route of sleuthing involving tracking and surveillance, so how beneficial will working with a private investigator be for an lawyer?

Lawyers and Private Eyes

We’ll just get it out there that there is comparable and compatible PI for each type of lawyer. Whatever a lawyer’s specialty is, whether he or she is a Criminal Defense Lawyer, a Personal Injury Lawyer, or a Mississauga Family Lawyer, there is a PI that can work with the lawyer to catch a cheating spouse, confirm the validity of an insurance claim, or to find someone who’s dodging the arm of the law.

Working Together

It is no secret that facts and evidence play a huge role in background checks, validating a personal injury, or the application of family and criminal law. Uncovering facts and evidence that are not easily attainable are part of a private eye’s job. Below are some examples of how useful a good private investigator is for a lawyer.

  1. Research of Public Records and Depositions

Private Investigators are trained to sniff out the truth, even in the ever-changing world of how our society handles and stores information. Some private investigators specialize in interviewing witnesses and other creative ways of obtaining the information needed for a case, sifting through public records and leaving no stone unturned. In cases like this, PIs work with lawyers to uncover or discover a much-needed evidence.

  1. Surveillance and Digital Research

In instances where someone has been cheating on a spouse, or someone hiding assets, it is important that the person is caught in the act or enough undeniable evidence is gathered to build a case. This can be done either through surveillance or through digital research.

People who are cheating or hiding assets can be found out through digital research and/or surveillance. Of course, a private investigator will not hack someone’s financial records but the same PI can interview witnesses, photograph and/or the subject, or rummage through discarded bank statements to find out the truth.

As for digital research, the PI can go through publicly available data via social media to collect data about a subject. Self-incrimination happens quite frequently, and people oftentimes cannot stop themselves from posting vacation pictures when they claim that they have been at home recovering from an injury.

  1. Locating People, Background Checks, and Insurance Claims

Speaking of fake injuries, let’s also add in the people who do not want to be found and those who have a shady past. PIs have ways to get a comprehensive background information about a person. Information that can pinpoint the truth about someone’s current location, real life, and/or a possible faked injury.

The role that a professional private investigator plays in the judicial process and helping lawyers speed up a case cannot be overlooked, especially in this day and age. If you’re a lawyer who’s interested in the services of a private investigator in Mississauga, give the Haywood Hunt team a call today.